How to Irritate People: TDI Airlines
by ThereWillBeBlood
Summary: Noah and Cody, working as airline pilots for some non-existens reason, feel like irritating the passengers for a while.


**In a story, based on a "How to Irritate People Sketch" by John Cleese, we meet Noah, Cody and Ezekiel, working as two pilots and a steward. Today, they all want to have some fun.**

* * *

**Noah: ****_[sitting next to Cody in the cockpit, sighs.]_** I spy with my little eye something beginning with S.  
**Cody:** Sky?  
**Noah:** Mm-hm.  
**Cody:** _[sighs]_ I spy with my little eye something beginning with C.  
**Noah:** Cloud.  
**Cody:** Yeah. _[sighs loudly]_ Oh God, I'm bored.  
**Noah:** I'm fed up with that game. Let's play another game. _[pauses for a while]_ I know what!  
**Cody:** What?  
**Noah: **[_turns on the mic_] Hello, this is your Captain speaking. There is absolutely no cause for alarm. [_They both snicker._] That'll get them thinking.

[_Cody reaches to switch the mic on again_.]

**Noah:** No, no, no, no. Not yet, not yet. Let it sink in. They'll be thinking, um, 'What is there no cause for alarm about? Are the wings on fire?'  
**Noah:** [_switches the mic on_] The wings are not on fire! [_switches it off, they both laugh_] Now they're thinking, uh, 'why should he say that?' So we say…

[_Ezekiel, the steward, comes in_.]

**Cody:** Oh, how are we doing?  
**Ezekiel:** They've stopped eating. Looking a bit worried…  
**Noah:** Good.  
**Ezekiel: **Hang on, one of them is going to the washroom, eh.  
**Noah:** Is he there yet?  
**Ezekiel:** He's just closing the door… NOW!  
**Noah:** [_reaching for the mic_] One… Two… Three! [_switches it on_]  
**Cody:** Please return to your seats and fasten your safety-belts immediately! [_They all laugh_.]  
**Ezekiel:** Yes… here he comes, going up the aisle like the clappers. I'll do the, ahem, worried walk now, eh?  
**Noah:** Good, worried walk!

[_Ezekiel, walks back out, looking worried._]

**Cody:** Right. Safety regulations!  
**Noah:** Safety regulations.  
**Cody:** [_switches mic on_]Please listen carefully. I want you, I want to remind you of some of the safety regulations. In the case of emergency it is vitally important to…

**Noah:** [_Imitates gas mask_.]  
**Cody:** …as the warning buzzer sounds.  
**Noah:** Bzzzz. [_They snicker again_.]

**Noah:** Oh, that's got them rattled.  
**Ezekiel: ****[****_comes back in_****]** Great, great!  
**Noah: **Hey, I've got an idea! [_switches it on_] Hello, you will find your life-jackets under your seats. [_Turns it off_]  
**Cody:** No, they're on the racks.  
**Noah:** Sshh, sshh, let them scrabble a bit. [_They laugh once more; Noah switches the mic back on_] I'm sorry, you will find them on the racks above your heads… but do not unfasten your safety belts.  
**Cody:** Ah! [More laughing]  
**Ezekiel:** [_Looking out_] Great, great, that was marvellous!  
**Noah:** Right. Gobbledegook!  
**Cody:** Oh, yes. [_Turns it on again_]  
**Cody:** The _scransons_ above your heads are now ready to flange. Please unfasten your safety belts and press the emergency _photo scamps_ on the back of the seats _behind_ you.

[_They all laugh_.]

**Ezekiel: [****_Looks out_****]** Marvellous, milling about, climbing over the seats.  
**Cody:** [_Into the mic_] Please find the emergency _sprill_ in the washroom at the back and release it…  
**Noah:** …but do _not_ unfasten your safety belts. [_More laughing_]  
**Ezekiel:** That got them back to their seats, eh.  
**Cody:** [_Yelling into the mic_] The emergency sprill MUST be released…  
**Noah:** …but do _not_ leave your seats!  
**Cody:** Do not panic!!  
**Noah:** Tea will now be served!!!  
**Cody:** Inflate your life-jackets…  
**Noah:** …and extinguish _all_ cigarettes!!  
**Cody:** Please remove the luggage from the racks above your heads and place it on the racks on the _other side_ of the aircraft…  
**Noah:** …except for hand luggage…  
**Cody:** …which you shall sit on!

[_All three laugh, like crazy!]_

**Noah: **[_Still laughing_] Oh, the look.  
**Ezekiel: ****[Calming down]** Hang on…

**Noah:** What? [_Laughter dies down_.]

**Cody:** What?

**Ezekiel:** _Hang_ on… they've all jumped _out_!

[_After a few seconds of silence, the three laugh even harder than earlier_.]

[_Laughter dies down, the three look at each other for a while, in silence_.]

**Noah:** You know, I wouldn't be surprised if there was some trouble about this.

[_They continue laughing out loud_]

* * *

**Credit goes to John Cleese! God bless you!**

**Script: John Cleese.**

**Characters: Teletoon.**

**Everything else: Me!**


End file.
